my backstory
ever since i was a young child, everyone around me (parents, teachers, classmates) expected something great from me. excellent grades, overall flawlessness... when some flaw appeared, i could sense the great disappointment around me. so i tried to make little to no mistakes, to prove everyone right, that one day i will achieve something big. years went on and i became more and more imperfect, plus my mom found a new boyfriend and left my family, which helped me to develop an ed and i had been already suffering from depression at that point, since i had no friends and felt like an outcast. i became a mess. the disappointment was apparent in everyone. well, some people were happy because of my downfall. so picture this, i was a mess flunking in school, had an ed and consumed horrendous amounts of food every single day which caused me to be in pain constantly, but it was the only time i felt at peace, was cutting myself, had no friends, .... it wasn't nice. when i sort of stopped binge eating so much, i lost some weight and had a desirable body for men, so my new source of happiness was their attention. i became an attention seeking whore, which meant i was embarrassing myself constantly.... but it didnt mean i slept with anyone, as i am a virgin still at 21 now, i dont know why i didnt, but i just didnt lol. last year i finished school and started working. if someone tells you that working is worse than school, they might be lying to you. this past year i have felt more peace and freedom than ever before. and i work in customer service, as a cashier zone coordinator in tesco, so i come in contact with thousands of people every day and yes, some of them are the most unbearable shitheads you can imagine. i learnt to accept myself much more and stand my ground.
work drama
it was all going okay, until i met this fucker at work. he is the brother of one of my coworkers, who also happens to be my friend and he has a part time job there. lets call him joe. we sort of started chatting at work and go on lunch breaks together during our shifts. it has been something i have been looking for every single time at work. i think i forgot to mention something. he has a wife. and she looks similar to me and he makes sure to repeat it almost all the time. but apart from looks, we are completely different. me and joe have lots in common and he is not bad looking, so i developped a crush on him. boy was that terrible. i wore clothes to showcase my figure, mind you not revealing, i am not 16 anymore, just to show off a bit. i tried to meet him at work when it was not necessarry and sort on. this makes me sound terrible, but his behaviour was much more proactive than mine. from touching me to weird flirtatious comments. after i got to know him more, i realised that my crush was not reasonable. although he has great qualities as a friend, he is also not what i find attractive in a partner. i think he just has good pheromones to be honest. so i want to be only friends with him lol.
what i'm trying to achieve
my main goal is the no fucks given lifestyle. let me explain, what i mean by that.
