what is real?

whole life is mostly happening in my head. Whenever i'm walking or doing something, i don't feel real, the world doesn't seem real, it is sort of spinning around me. If someone starts talking to me, it's like i hit the fourth wall, i am always stunned. Why is it this way? it has been like this for years, do others perceive it the same way?! am i trapped inside some dream? am i alive?..... am i crazy?

what am i even doing?

i have no idea, what im doing. what is real and what is not? who am i? why do i feel so lonely, but at the same time i do not believe that anyone could fill this empty feeling? i feel nice very often, but then all of a sudden get this sinking feeling. at work i have to spend time and collaborate with colleagues, but most times do not have the will or energy to. is this what adult life is supposed to be like? counting how many hours left i have at work, coming home empty and looking at my planner to see when i go to work next time. i feel like i have a soulmate tho, my dog. but time flies and he wont be here forever... i do not want to die, but at the same time have no idea how to live either. i want to travel, but i know that that is just a temporary fix, because you cannot fix an inside problem with outside solutions. is this how its gonna be forever? all i want to do is smoke marlboros all day and lay in the bed with my dog. i do not want to spend time with people i do not like, they DRAIN ME.