what is real?

whole life is mostly happening in my head. Whenever i'm walking or doing something, i don't feel real, the world doesn't seem real, it is sort of spinning around me. If someone starts talking to me, it's like i hit the fourth wall, i am always stunned. Why is it this way? it has been like this for years, do others perceive it the same way?! am i trapped inside some dream? am i alive?..... am i crazy?

what am i even doing?

i have no idea, what im doing. what is real and what is not? who am i? why do i feel so lonely, but at the same time i do not believe that anyone could fill this empty feeling? i feel nice very often, but then all of a sudden get this sinking feeling. at work i have to spend time and collaborate with colleagues, but most times do not have the will or energy to. is this what adult life is supposed to be like? counting how many hours left i have at work, coming home empty and looking at my planner to see when i go to work next time. i feel like i have a soulmate tho, my dog. but time flies and he wont be here forever... i do not want to die, but at the same time have no idea how to live either. i want to travel, but i know that that is just a temporary fix, because you cannot fix an inside problem with outside solutions. is this how its gonna be forever? all i want to do is smoke marlboros all day and lay in the bed with my dog. i do not want to spend time with people i do not like, they DRAIN ME.

life of a femcel

hello fellow simslovers! with my upcoming 21st birthday i feel the societal burden to settle down and have children. i do want to have children, but at the same time dont, cos i am scared of raising them. another problem is, there is no one i would like to have children with. i only had one real relationship, which was when i was 16 and it lasted a little over a month. unfortunately, i didnt love the boy i dated and there were crucial differences between us, i still kinda have to cringe when i look back at these times. the only guys that took interest in me were the ones who didnt attract me at all, unfortunately. i dont think its right to commit to a relationship you feel coersed into... and i dont have any high standarts mind you! i can well imagine falling myself in love with someone who looks like hayden christensen (< 3) as well as thom yorke. so im not like some delusional incel, who doesnt appreciate the beauty of real normal people. it seems like not many guys are interested in me, which i sort of dont understand. sure, i am no model, but i think im cute. i have nice facial proportions and a well shaped body. i think i am quite charming as well. i feel left out. whenever another girl talks about ten guys hitting her up and how its so annoying, im standing there like whaat? how does that even happen? and the girls are normal average looking ones as well, so it feels weird. i think i just have to accept that im gonna be alone forever, but i would kind of want a child, because i dont feel like im the one destined to end my ancestry... i think i should just give up, not that im doing anything actively, but as an introspective person, most of my life happens on the inside anyway. i just feel betrayed by all those movies and songs that promised me love at first sight... this may sound childish, but i think that many times what we call (childish) is just what we truly feel, but learned to suppress and ignore. i should just focus on my stuff, whatever that is, to find inner peace. on the other hand even some grannies that married because it was expected from them have found their happiness, even without love.